Sooooo on a spur of the moment decision (always the best ones am I right??) Mr decided we should go for a quick night ride on Boxing Day.

Started as a ride up Mt Nebo. One minute in and I have a wallaby run out in front of me. It’s dark, I see movement on my left, slow down and then heavy brake as the little bugger was only 2-3 feet in front of me 🤦🏻‍♀️ take your time mate.

Mr says hmmmm this was maybe a bad idea should we turn back? The options for u-turns on Mt Nebo even at the bottom are not that plentiful. During the day you can easily see the bits to pull over or turn around (multiple lookouts and walking tracks, etc) but in pitch black you can see as far as your lights take you.

Due to this I said let’s just keep going but take it easy. On we troop, see a kangaroo up near the Mt Nebo 50km zone. Easy does it, no rush to get anywhere. No cars about so we can ride as fast or slow as we please. Generally followed the speed limit as Mr was in front and his high beam is not as brilliant as Lil Boop.

After a stressful few kilometres 😂😂😂 turned off towards Samford into what I call Hairpin Valley. When they say the corner is 20km/hr suggested speed they aren’t lying. In the dark anyway good idea to follow the signs haha.

Finally get to the straights before Samford and end up stopping at the Caltex in Samford for drinks and toilet break. Decide to head back Bardon way to Mt Coot-tha. I know, people say it’s lame but it is close to our house and not bad for a quick blast.

Stopped up here for a view out to the city. One of my favourites at night. The cafe is not open nor the public toilets, heck the ground lights are not even on its so dark. There is a group of bikes up there, pretty much ignore them. Also enjoy making use of the bike parking – supposed to be bicycles but not a lot of them are ever up there so motorbikes rule this section of the carpark – while watching cars drive in looking for a carpark (mostly dreaming) then do 20 point turns to get out again.

Next stop is Kangaroo Point Cliffs. Same city view on a different angle and much closer up. Took a couple of pics of the monument thingey, first time photographing it. Walked along the path, used the bathrooms and headed home.

Don’t think I would push my limits again up Nebo/Glorious way again at night any time soon. Solely due to the wildlife, yes it’s fairly close to the city but is still a wildlife area to be mindful of at night when all the animals come out to play. Nice change up but definitely something for more experienced riders I would say.

Have plans for a day ride up that way tomorrow … Mt Mee, Kilcoy, Glorious and Nebo. Should be fun IN THE DAYLIGHT hahahaha.

I haven’t been posting a lot because I haven’t really been on any note worthy rides (couple of blasts around Mt Coot-tha) and the weather has ruined most of my planned rides.

My Christmas Grinch moment happened yesterday. Left home early to pick up a lil somethin’ somethin’ off Facebook Marketplace from Nundah.

On my way into work, after going under the bridge / overpass where northbound cars on Sandgate Rd can get to Nundah village, some fuckhole in a car (heading South) decided they needed to change lanes RIGHT THEN into my lane while I was nearly halfway down the side of their car.

Tried the rev bomb and got absolutely ignored. Refrained from mirror whomping 🤨 but moved to the left lane and took advantage of relatively low speed to provide an extended 🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽🖕🏽.

Clueless mother fucker is looking at me like ‘what did I do?’ so at the next lights I gave the universal sign for back there ya fuckwit you didn’t use your eyes. Bitch. No wave or acknowledge or sorry or nothing. Welllllll don’t get me fired up mole, so she enjoyed the next 1.5kms of my finger right next to her window. Tried to get away. Nawwww filtering is not your friend lady’s will follow you all the way to city if I have to.

Anyway finally I managed to get her stuck behind a big slow truck LOL see ya bitch 🤣. When you speed around in anger then later think OMG what was I doing????? Yikes. I don’t wanna spence Christmas in the hospital or worse … the cemetery 😳

Stay safe out on the roads famz! Remember being late is better than never arriving. Don’t be in a hurry to meet your maker. Also, there is a bit of a police blitz happening 200 extra officers looking for Christmas donut money 🐷🍩🍩🍩🍩

Will catch you up in the New Year, new year – new rides.

Argghhh have not been riding a lot due to my employer allowing me to work from home 2 days a week.

Besides the odd ride on the weekend it’s more or less the boring commute only 🙁 and with the heat I’m not overly upset about it haha.

If I had a dollar every time someone told me riding in summer must be nice (and I roll my eyes lol) I’d be riding that Tuono now not in 2 years when I can afford it!

Choices are wear full protective gear (in my case gloves, helmet, Kevlar hoodie OR summer jacket, work pants and Nikes or Converses. As I’ve already stated I can’t afford full kit yet) or squidding it in my work cardi / shirt and pants.

Knowing the value of protective gear I usually wear the jacket, no tough guy mentality here but woosh does it get bloody hot.

Either the air is hotter than hell or you can ride faster to go thermonuclear 😓💦💦💦. NOT ride faster and the hot air somehow becomes cool and you somehow stay at normal operating temperature.

And stopping at traffic lights. Fuck. Me. In. My. Fucking. Eyes. 😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫😫 anyone winding down their window to ask if I’m hot in my heavy jacket that stops me dying 😒

I see people riding in flip flops and boardies. I hear people moaning on Facebook bike groups that riders who choose squid should not get publicly funded health care when they come off. Oh fuck off with that shit!

Where do we then draw the line? Sorry pregnant women, you CHOSE to have sex. Sorry lung cancer patients, you CHOSE to smoke. Sorry diabetes and heart disease patients, you CHOSE to eat too much Maccas or live an unhealthy lifestyle or were born genetically predisposed to illness. Sorry broken ankle you CHOSE to go up on the roof without scaffolding and a harness.

I still believe in freedom to ride how you want to ride. Wear what you wanna wear. Live how you wanna live. Key word being ‘you’. As long as you know the risks and we all do, ride it wear it live it your way. Stay safe out there whatever you wear!

The number of effing car drivers I see on their phones while stopped at a traffic light 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ they never learn and the fine should be $2,000 or your vehicle is impounded that second and later sold to offset funeral costs for motorcyclists that are killed in accidents directly related to drivers texting and driving.

Why motorcyclists? Well the people most at risk on our roads that would suffer the MOST damage in any collision are motorbikes. Not bicycles, they have a safer footpath option and lower speeds and their own bike lanes and hefty fines for passing them too closely. Motorbikes do not have these options.

Today, for example, 6 people spotted (and rev bomb shamed) of which 5 were fucking women. Jesus Christ ladies we are better than that!!!! Who or what is so important you put my and others lives at risk?

Cockhead 1: Ann St in the city. You can spottem way back … leaving a big gap to the car in front. Not moving when the light goes green or the tragic in front of them advances. I look over as they didn’t move up so I could filter through. Shuffle the bike up a little, yep on their phone. What all car drivers need during peak hour with plenty of cars and HEAPS of pedestrians need is a loud bike going vrroooommmmm right next to their door.

Cockhead 2: it’s busy getting onto the Story Bridge so I will whip out my phone to help merging. This one got a window tap and a serve of “idiot” before I revved the fuck outta them and outta there. Sorry I don’t want or need to be anywhere car drivers not paying attention.

Cockhead 3: Kangaroo Point where the road splits to Main Rd and the other heading along the KP cliffs to reach the freeway to Gold Coast. Window down, shot music blaring, bogan arm out the window. Drive past and yell “PHONE DOWN FUCK FACE” as turned back to give him the finger

Cockhead 4: Lights at the Gabba (just after Maccas). Window down while texting and smoking. Give her a huge feckin rev bomb causes her to drop her phone on the floor. PS – you won’t see that again until your destination hun, I have the same fat gut that prohibits bending down to retrieve a floor based phone in a car including while in the front passenger seat. Called out “GET OFF YOUR PHONE YOU STUPID CUNT!” for good measure … she tried to say fuck you back but got another earful 😂😂😂

Cockhead 5: Puttering along by PA Hospital holding up everyone behind and times other lanes as they wobble along. I CAN SEE YOUR PHONE BEING HELD TO YOUR EAR FUCKWIT!!! Window down so I scoot up beside and rev the fucking fuckery out of my bike to ruin your conversation. Get a scowly look from the driver who winds up the window. Ok do you have any hands on the wheel dickhead???? Gave him my best that-wouldn’t-be-an-issue-if-you-weren’t-on-your-phone impersonation. Yeah get fucked prick.

Cockhead 6: now on the Ipswich Mway and significantly less people keen to be on their phones on 1. The motorway 2. During peak hour. Counted my blessings too soon didn’t I? Almost home, at the Woogaroo and Forest Lake Boulevard traffic lights) and I filter to the front.

Old mate (matelette for a female???) on my right happily tapping away. Rev bomb, driver is surprised and looks up at me, gets the tsk tsk head shake then concedes you’re right, ok I will put it down. Notice a cop car directly opposite us at the lights and point to the driver, to the cops, to the driver, to the cops and put my hand up to show she’s on her phone 🤙🏼. She sees them now and flaps her hands as if to say sshhh sshhh I put it down already, I put it down!!! Shake my head again as the light goes green and I pull out at a very average pace due to aforementioned porkers 😂😂😂😂 nothing to see here officers 👀

Certainly not the only time I have seen it and won’t be the last. Hear many stories from many riders all the time. The message is not getting through and being able to say I told you so when I’m in a halo brave is NOT going be to any consolation.

So while the police are cracking down on loud pipes and handle bars too high the actual killing machines are still driving around the streets.

I get asked often if I have any video people can watch. Umm considering most of my riding is boring commuter stuff to work 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ not particularly fun viewing.

I have one video on Facebook which has been sped up 10 x showing my normal ride (condensed down to 3.5 mins or thereabout) but it’s generally more of the same every day with odd occasions where I’ve managed to rark up a dog being walked or nearly been clipped.

I need 16 weeks off to go through my footage and create a short clip of near misses and even my most recent lane changing / mirror incident. At some point LOL when I have loads of spare time. Next lot of annual leave not until March 2019 so 🙁 be patient with me. Heck there’s not even anyone reading these posts yet y’all won’t even fucking know haha.

I also plan to make some action shots / short bits about my local rides on Mt Coot-tha but I have to wait for my daughter to 1. Be home to and 2. Agree to film Mr and I. She’s a plucky 22 year old, I’m not hopeful.

I watch so many YouTube vids and jot down ideas for shots and various things I want to do. Top of my list is learn to wheelie and document that on video … yep I know not supposed to wheelie and it’s not something I would do often (too many dashcams our there now!) but it would be nice to learn so I can say I know how and maybe pop a mono now and then to be a show off.

A guy in one of the bike groups I’m in on Facebook – a hoon group, not gonna lie – was recently asked to come in and have a chat to the coppers about some images they had been given. He said he would but didn’t based on advice from other Facebook users lol … got a depressing letter in the mail with a fine and demerit points for his various offences. Apparently quite a lot of offences 🤦🏻‍♀️. I don’t want that to be meal would limit my silliness in general.

Anyway, my vlogging is early stages right now I don’t have the time to commit to taking and making regular clips. Someone has to work full-time to pay for my toys haha. If you did have any footage you wanted to share I’d be happy to use it with full credit to you / your channel unless it’s dodgy shit then anonymity guaranteed 😉

About riding … a close race between filtering and easy parking. With filtering being my number one.

I compiled the below list from things that make me smile when riding

1. Filtering – how fucking much do I love this shit? More than speed or dangerous manoeuvres on two wheels. After years of facing the traffic ok Ipswich Mway getting to work my whole working week is transformed. I consistently get to work in the same amount of time every day. And home again. Some people get pissed of eyeing jealous car drivers who try to squeeze up so they can’t past. Well fuck them I will just go around the other side of yo car biiiiittttccchhhh

2. Ease of travel – oh man how many times have I been able to scootch up the footpath and park right outside the door of someone / a store? Fucking loads. Add to that cheaper petrol and rego costs, half price tolls and buying only 2 tyres instead of 4 and occasionally dodging the barrier arm at a car park for free exit 😂😂😂😂

3. Throttle blipping at dogs – Lordy lord the first time a dog yanked its owners arm rushing the curb was an epiphany for me. You’re on a leash. I make a noise that irritates your impressive hearing. You can’t catch me without pulling your owner onto the road or dislocating their arm. I can accelerate fast enough so even if you did get off I would make a quick getaway. If I see dogs being walked that AREN’T keen on my legs I give them a little blip blip blip to reinforce I’m there being annoying 😂😂😂

4. Waving at kids – especially little girls. This could be you one day, why not? Mums stop and point ‘oohhh a motorbike look’ which is one indication that motorbikes are fun and exciting objects. The ones at the lights areaway pickings, my bike is a little bit noisy so they tend to go looking for where the sound is coming from. Bonus points if it’s dark and my inbuilt helmet lights are flashing. Yes I am an angel you’re welcome little one.

5. Being a female rider – I love being a woman who rides. If I can inspire 1 woman to get on the front instead of the back then I will die happy. It’s so empowering and if you’re a single lass looking for love … well I might have already mentioned it’s a male heavy activity so by it’s very nature the odds are better 😬

6. Speed – or more accurately … the acceleration. Anyone can go fast no biggie. But the acceleration getting up to speed quickly is a real buzz. Filtering to the front of cars and the exception being I won’t win on the green light. I don’t lose often to cars (only once I can even recall) and only to bigger bikes not other LAMS bikes even though mine is not the fastest one out there.

7. Talking about bikes – I know a couple of dudes from work that ride and we talk shit about bikes all the time. The IT guy is one and he will fix my computer issues in 5 mins then we have 15 mins talking about motorbikes 😂😂😂 he is very popular with some of the women at work who are jealous but hey I’m not keen in that way … just the bike talk for me.

8. Twisties – it’s no secret I’m shit on tight mountain cornering. I know I am and will try and do a skills course when I can afford it but it’s really just getting out there more and learning the corners. Quite often I hoon around the Mt Coot-tha loop … it’s on the way to a few places I go and it’s reasonably short, you can blast around in under 10 mins easily and loop around if you wanna go again but for basic corner skills the camber is good and corners sweeping with some that tighten up as you get around them.

9. QLD weather – we are truly blessed in QLD. The winter days are clear and cool (perfect for wearing protective gear) and it doesn’t rain a heck of a lot. Summer is a bit of a killer due to the heat and I do squid sometimes so I don’t get to my destination bright red and half cooked. When it rains it rains hard but for only for short periods – if you do get wet keep riding will most likely dry out again haha

10. Proximity – we have heaps of ranges reasonably close to Brisbane. Mt Coot-tha, Mt Nebo, Mt Glorious, Mt Mee, etc. all great rides. If mountains are not your thing there is day trips to Sunny or Gold Coast, northern NSW, west of Brizzy, east go Brizzy and surrounds. Whether you want ice cream at the beach or hot coffee up the hill there is something for everyone 🙃

What’s your favourite thing? Do you agree with some of the things on this list? I didn’t put ‘Family’ on my list even though it feels like that constantly no matter if you know someone or not. If you ride, we’re related 😋

Had a minor incident on my way home from work today. Going to accept 33% of the blame just to be reasonable even though I think is less my fault than two car drivers.

The car in front of me indicated he was moving into the middle lane of 3 lanes. As he was about halfway across I was going around him on the right (being a motorcycle I don’t need a full lane width to pass someone).

Halfway during his manoeuvre a car in the far left lane, who was in a left turn only lane as well, moved into the middle lane then the driver that was moving out of my way veered back into the lane I was overtaking him in.

Mirror got a bit mangled and leg bumped up against his car. I came to a complete stop even though peak hour, he got out and I said just pull into that street on the left mate sort it out.

He did so and I parked up behind him. If you have read my column before I was reversed into while parked and the passenger of that car – not even the driver – immediately implied I was in the wrong and all aggressive. I was ready this time.

Out he gets oh you were trying to pass me and I said no I wasn’t trying I WAS passing you cos you were halfway in the other lane, don’t try and blame it on me, I have a camera I’m not worried about what happened you can’t just say I’m going here and then say nah fuck off and jump back in. He instantly changed his tune and said yes let’s swap details, etc.

After I calmed down and surveyed the damage, left mirror dangling but could tighten the bolt and should be okay, I said look mate I think it will be fine but give me your contact details in case I get home and it’s completely stuffed.

He was genuinely nice. He offered to get me a coffee or give me money for coffee as he was on his way to work and couldn’t stick around. I said that’s ok I’m fine, will just head home with me floppy mirror. He said please ride carefully because the adrenaline after such a thing is very high.

I thought about that later at home how calm and sweet he was even though I was pissed off and defensive and sweary. Looked him up on Facebook and sure enough a long career in crisis management, counselling and mental health worker. Nawww.

I messaged him tonight to say mirror is fine and I am fine, thank you for stopping and taking time to make sure I was ok.

Lessons for me: don’t be a dickhead when you’re mad, breathe, stay calm, don’t forget to care for others.

Ooooohhhh out riding with Mr and we got into a debate about what is classed as a big enough gap for the purposes of lane changing / weaving.

My idea: 3 ft. His idea: 7ft. Lol, bit of a variation 🤷🏻‍♀️

My measurement is based on all three vehicles being in motion (A = fast lane higher speed, B= slow lane lower speed, green sombrero = me) and allowing for A to move slightly more in front during the manoeuvre and B to drop back further than it was at the start thereby increasing the gap while lane change is in progress.

Also going on the assumption rider checks mirrors and speeds up as necessary, B doesn’t speed up and A doesn’t slow down just to be a dickhead. Anyone who knows me understands my love of filtering and the skill at which I can complete this task. Zero effort on my part it is the only skill I have mastered so far in regards to riding.

As previously mentioned in other posts, Mr does not usually filter due to his shift work so has not had as much experience even though he has been riding much longer.

The question I get asked the most. No, I’m not scared and no I’m not worried I will die. If that happens, it happens. My life insurance is there for a reason and I will have died doing something I absolutely LOVE.

I have told Mr if I die riding don’t feel bad that you got me into riding. I know the risks, I take the risks off my own bat. While I hope there is always another day for me to look forward to I know this isn’t guaranteed. And despite all of that and other vehicles on the road I can’t control, it’s something I choose to do.

A lot of people, especially women, say they are too scared to ride a motorbike. Believe me, I was scared too. The first time I sat on my bike I couldn’t make it out of the driveway even with Mr holding the grab rails on the back to keep me from falling over. I have come so far from that time to now in confidence and skill.

When you’re starting out there is a lot to think about all at the same time. Slow down, change gears, look to your right, don’t run into the car in front, indicator on, balance, not too heavy on the front or rear brakes, don’t dump the clutch, which part of the lane to be in, leave an exit space in case the car in front stops suddenly, scan for hazards, etc. Over time as you get to know your bike it becomes second nature. The mechanics of riding are something I learned very quickly as I learned to drive in a manual car it’s an extension of that to me.

Mr reckons I’m a natural rider, not sure how true that is 😂😂😂 however I do take a lot of risks every time I ride (filtering and changing lanes with minimal space) which I feel are calculated. I have excellent traffic reading skills, able to anticipate gaps and probably drive behaviour. At 43, I have more than 20 years driving experience even though it’s in a car the same ability to read and respond to traffic is there albeit with more options to jump queues and cheeky overtake!

The only way to get better and less scared is to ride and gain experience. I often think well I’m still as shit a rider as I ever was but when going out with Mr after not riding together for a while he notices my improvements. My advice: get on, give it a go and enjoy your new life.